i miss you guys. why does everyone have to be so far away?
you guys have all your own things, school or NS or whatever.
i have nothing. work is good, it’s good for my resume, good for experience. but i’m so lonely there. the things i do reminds me of school and of our projects except you guys aren’t there with me. i miss school. i want us all together, laughing joking and if we’re sad at least we know we have each other. now whenever i’m sad, i’m sad alone.
being alone sucks.
i miss you guys. :(
Sometimes I look around me and I see the whole world moving, the earth constantly in motion, never pausing to take a breather, never stopping to stick around.
And I feel left behind. Abandoned by everything else that’s persistently on the move, I’m scrambling through this never-ending battle to keep moving forward. I look at the modern landscape of sunny Singapore, and I see millions of people climbing the ladders to the dreams of a certain Mr. Lee. A global nation, they said.
But the ones that I don’t see, the ones hidden under the cryptic layers of the society, are the suffering effects of this rapid movement on the community as it becomes ungracious and unkind. See in the shadows there, that old hunched-back lady shuffling along, bumbling after the pretty, self-obsessed society with her stack of empty cardboard boxes, her money making career on her swelling back.
And that young coke-head of a boy with those dark sunken eyes and face sallow without colour, his fingers quivering around his hundredth cigarette stick, a reward for the days of past, and a telling of the days to come. They say that cigarettes kill you. He can only hope.
I am looking still, but I can only see darkness. It’s the end of an era, and some of us are still stuck, struggling to catch up with the imminent future. Change is scary.
It’s like Luke is driving a car and I just want to be in the passenger seat. But he’s locked the door and I have to hold onto the bumper. I am not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in, but he didn’t do that. So I am hanging on to the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised and I’m hitting potholes.
And it hurts. It really hurts. So yesterday I had to let go of the bumper. Because it hurts too much.” —Gilmore Girls S07E01
I would live all my life in nonchalance
Because I am terrified of what you would think
If you saw me stripped of this porcelain shell
I am a prisoner to my own indifference
But breaking free would be my cancer, my hell
Stay with me; I hope you’ll stay
It is only because I am scared
Look deeper; you will find
From behind the curtain
I’m dreaming in red
Help me, dear.